Random Irritations and Other Things That Piss Me Off
October 17th, 2008The stock market:
Ok, now I know this is outside of my typical subject domain, but seriously, these traders on CNBC are really starting to piss me off. Every time there is a god-damn interview with one of these dicks, they respond with, “Well, what we do is buy QUALITY stocks. You know, we think some of these firms with good balance sheets and fundamentals are trading at far below their market value… In the long term, blah blah blah”
Ok, thanks for the advice captain obvious … you got a masters from Yale to tell me that!? Seriously, who the fuck says, “Well, what we look for are shit companies, you know, the real turds. The ones with so much debt that every time the CEO looks at the balance sheet, his eyes bleed. We buy them and hold em for as long as 10 minutes before we dump them on some other retard for a 2% gain. We think this is the best investment strategy”
I actually saw one trader who seemed to be the voice of reason. This guy was giving the normal BS speech and Diane Somethigoranother obviously didn’t get the memo, that what you are supposed to do on CNBC is pump up the turds that you are trying to dump on the market. So when this guy started talking, Diane Somethingoranother looked at him like he was from Mars. It was great, she just lit into him and shut him down.
Seriously, I have been watching this shit for months now … if stocks are trading so far under value, then why the hell isn’t everyone buying? I’ll tell you why, because none of these stock market dicks actually knows what these companies are worth in the coming shit storm of an economy.
Ok, now I have to ask, how can we predict a recovery in the market when all we can see is the coming shit storm? We don’t know how long it will last, we dont know how bad it will be, but what we do know is that we need to be buying stocks right now!? Are you telling me that when sales go to hell for these companies they are going to trade up!? How can you discount and price in poor performance when you dont have any idea of knowing how bad you are going to do or how long it will last!? You want me to invest now in a market where everyone craps their pants if a company reports eps $0.01 under estimates?
Wait, I forgot, according to trader dick #1, its good to invest in equities because they can make managerial decisions!? Ok, I am an investor, make this decision, don’t loose money! How is that asshole? You got it, now do it! If these guys are so damn good at making managerial decisions why the hell are we in this pickle in the first place?
The sane advice that I listened to…
Find the turds and short the shit out of them until we know how fucked we really are and can price that fuckedness into the valuation of the assets. Now, when we figure this out, do you think people are going to be saying to themselves, “Wow, this company is really screwed, what an investment opportunity!” Hell no, they are gonna drop that turd like a hot rock.”
Short the shit out of the turds and don’t get back to big long positions until you can actually see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Not the guys on TV, you!
*All advice disseminated in this column should not be acted upon, listened to or taken seriously because the Bit Boy is just some poor dick who likes to think he knows what the hell he is doing. The Bit Boy thinks he is a genius when his stocks go up …. but yells screams and blames things on everything but himself when they take a dump. This way, he can always assure that in his mind he is a genius.